Egg, meet Chicken

“Mom, what’s a period?” My 12 year old son looks up from his homework.

We’ve had ‘the talk.’ I am proud to say I was incredibly detailed and blunt, so much so that there were moments when his jaw was hanging open. However, I didn’t go into details about that part with him. My excuse is that he’s a boy. It can wait.

I give quite the parent response. “Why?”

“—– (sports teammate) was complaining about a girl being cranky and said ‘she must be on her period.'”

“That’s not a nice thing to say.” (**make mental note to discuss misogyny and sexism later**)

“Answer the question, mom.”

I could not sleep last night. I am behind at work. I am feeling hormonal (shut up, 12 year old acquaintance of my son). My husband is out of town. And something smells like poop in our basement and I cannot find the source. Not now, dear, sweet baby Jesus.

“It’s part of what happens when a girl goes through puberty.”

“C’mon mom.” This is new, this expression he now casts my way several times a week, the one that says, ‘not buying it, try again.’

“Well, remember how the sperm fertilizes the egg to make a baby?” He nods. “So, if there’s no sperm to fertilize the egg, it gets flushed out of the body once a month.”

“What do you do with the egg?”

“Nothing. It’s too small to see.”

“How does it flush out?”

“Blood helps flush it out.”

(I went into needed detail, but will spare you. You’re welcome)

He nods and goes back to his work. That wasn’t so bad. I’m a great explainer. I’m am rocking this puberty thing. I am tired and my basement reeks of poop, but this? This, I am good at.

He looks up again. “When did you stop laying eggs?”

Uh, what just happened here?

“I haven’t stopped.”

“You STILL lay eggs?” He is incredulous, his jaw hanging open.

“Yes. I. still. lay. eggs.” My jaw is clenched, my clipped delivery brimming with edge.

He is dumbfounded, flopping back into his chair to consider this new, startling truth. “Mom, no offense, but you’re the oldest chicken ever.”

And, scene.


Posted in Off the Air Tagged with: , , , , , ,
15 comments on “Egg, meet Chicken
  1. Donna Powell says:

    You made me laugh this morning – on a day that I am really needing some laughter and happiness!

  2. Frazier Hollis says:

    Enjoyed your explanation. He, of course, believes his friends more than you, so you know they don’t explain it as completely as you. You took the high road and they will take the lowest and (12 year old) dirtiest road possible.

    Do you have an update on your daughter?

    • Jaye Watson says:

      Frazier, thanks for reading and for your comments. And thank you for asking about Iris. We just had another good appointment with the surgeon. She has pain off and on, but it’s within the realm of normal, since the inside of her tibia is still partially hollow and has to grow back. And there is no sign of the rare disease, but we’ve been told that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have it. All to say, so far, so good. We remain incredibly grateful that she is healthy and has gained her weight back. She’s a typical 4th grade girl again, which is the best thing ever. Thank you.

  3. Dani says:

    I’m an older chicken.

  4. Omg, that is so funny. Don’t you love these conversations?

  5. lisa prime says:

    Too funny

  6. Coleen Southern says:

    Another great story Jaye. Thanks for sharing.

  7. michele says:

    Egg layer! Winner winner chicken dinner!!!

  8. Laura Watkins says:

    Too funny! Does he have internet access? Kinda scary when they come across inappropriate stuff. If he hasn’t yet, he will. It’s what boys do. Curiosity killed the kid, or is it the cat? Too much, too soon for these innocent eyes to see and now know. Ouch! The questions get more interesting as they get older. The fun is just beginning. Your eggs aren’t old, they’re seasoned and wise! 🙂 Glad to hear Iris is doing better!

  9. Richard Crabbe says:

    I love his curiosity and his persistence (“Answer the question, Mom.” Many journalists should adopt this tactic). Your writing is always so touching and wise, and I look forward to the next episode.

  10. Melanie says:

    Thanks for the post. As always, on point, very relevant and brought bit of joy to my day! Keep strong older chicken — so many of us can relate!

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